DROWNING

I've been swimming for years
but i can't find my way to this surface
and i'm swamped
it seems like the water is always there
and has always been there
i may break through
on occasion
find driftwood... stay afloat
until the next wave
and i wonder sometimes
when it's going to end.
it comes in waves
this lost feeling of loneliness
that no one understands
the utter conviction that no one understands
and nothing is real
i want to feel like i'm here
but my limbs are numb
and there's nowhere but down
lungs bursting for air
but i can't breathe this atmosphere
i can be up up up
i can be happy
it happens
and then without warning
waves
that steal my breath
and i'm drowing
and i'm terrified